I will help you speak

It is a well-known tidbit of info that many people are more afraid of public speaking than of death or it's a close second to fear of death. I know that everytime I get up to speak in front of an audience my throat starts to close and my voice decides to stop working. That was a big part of the reason I took singing lessons - to force myself to perform in front of a crowd. It didn't really work but I was glad to face my fear. Maybe that's why the following Bible passage really got to me.

'Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue."

The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it." '

You've gotta love Moses. I mean really, can you imagine saying no to God. If God appeared in front of you, performed all sorts of cool tricks: a burning bush, a staff that became a snake, and a hand that went from healthy to diseased and back again. Really, if all these things happened and the entity that was making them happen asked you to do something AND said, "Don't worry, I'll be right beside you, helping you and caring for you," would you still have the guts to say no? I wouldn't. I would love that sort of reassurance.

Moses had balls, I'll give him that. Weird though, because he was trying to get out of his God-sponsored mission because he was afraid of earthly consequences. Both gutsy and a coward.

It brings up an interesting question: Which do I fear most, heavenly consequences or earthly ones? Am I more concerned about my soul or my body?

How about you?

Exodus 4:10-14

Driving Rude

I drive a lot. I admit it. I've put 220,000 km on my little car in the last five years. Very unGreen of me. Of course for the five years before that I didn't really drive at all and to make up for it I'm moving back down to the city - no more commuting for this girl. Anyway, in all this driving I have seen a lot of bad driving.

My three pet peeves:

1. People who are driving 10-30 km/hr faster than me on major highways. Seriously, if I'm moving at 120 km/hr should I have to speed up to pass a semi? Or get passed by one? Or be tail-gated by some git in a black SUV who thinks that the real speed limit (at least for them) is 140? I really wish the government would bring back photo-radar and set it at 130.

2. People who do not pull over for emergency vehicles. I have had people honk at me and pass me when I pull over because a fire truck, ambulance or police vehicle is coming. Maybe you could turn down your music and use the rear view mirror. Really, it has a purpose.

3. People who 'butt in' on off-ramps to skip the line or who move into the merge lane and zoom past on the right to get that little bit further ahead of traffic. I'm pretty sure that it is not only rude but illegal. It's also dangerous. The place I get to experience this most is the off-ramp from the 401E to the 400N in the collectors. People come screamin' along and swerve into the exit lane at the last moment - long after the white line has become solid. I had it happen to me yesterday: a beige SUV tried to merge at the very last second and ended up getting stranded about two feet from the crash barrels. Git.

I know I'm not innocent, and I'm not perfect. But I try not to be an ass. That's all I ask.

Be nice when you are out driving this long weekend.

God is in the details?

Okay, I confess, I don't see the point of this major part of Exodus. Not only does God get *really* specific about how the Tent of Meeting is to be built when explaining it to Moses but then the entire thing is repeated while the Israelites are actually building it. It is sooo boring. Cubits this and that, overlaid with gold, built from acacia wood. How does this help?

Remember I'm new at this so feel free to shed some light on what the point is. I can only think of two possibilities.

1. One of my favourite movies is the Wedding Planner with Jennifer Lopez. Near the beginning of the movie she quips "Most grooms are NID." When asked what that means she replies with a smile, "Not Into Details."

This part of Exodus makes it abundantly clear to me that God is totally into details. There is nothing unimportant when it comes to building a sacred space. Even the undergarments of the priests are explained. I like this, it fits in nicely with one of my new favourite sayings, "God is in the details." When we pay attention to the small things, every little step of the way, it makes the success of the whole project much more likely. The trick, I guess, is to keep the big vision while nailing each little detail. Taking little baby steps towards that huge end goal.

Or, as Jim Rohn put it: "You don't build the house until it's finished."

2. My second thought is that humans tend to value things more when they have had to sacrifice money, time, and effort. God was trying to create a sacred space, a place that would hold the Glory of the Lord. The Israelites had already shown that they were fickle and perhaps not too bright so God came up with a plan to get them to pay attention. God requested they sacrifice their gold, silver, and bronze to build the Tent of Meeting. Also that their most skilled artisans dedicate themselves to the holy task and their most learned men to becoming priests. Finally, the Tent of Meeting is big. Humans like big-ness, we tend to think it is more important.

The Tabernacle, or Tent of Meeting, gave God a place to dwell amongst the Israelites but the detailed and laborious nature of its structure helped God to dwell *within* the Israelites, which is really the point.

So, I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, all those instructions weren't that important for God, they weren't some attempt to gain importance. Maybe they were just God's way of getting the attention of the Israelites and communicating with them on a level they could understand. A really materialistic level, granted, but one they knew. It makes me wonder how much we've progressed in the last few thousand years.

hmm...

My coach has me working on my Vision - which I'll have to post once it's finished. Then I'll start working out the details, the hundreds of baby steps required to reach the final goal. Maybe I'll throw in some acacia wood, just for good measure.

Exodus 25:10 - 28:43, 36:8 - 39:31

I will be with you

{I thought that maybe this needed a little explanatory note. I'm reading the Bible - from start to finish. Along with all my other projects I am making time to read both the Old and New Testaments. To clarify, I have no religious affiliations. Christains would call me unsaved and a heathen. I'm okay with that. Here's why: I love God. By whatever name, I love the Holy Ghost, Brahman, the animating force, Spirit, Gaia. I love the energy field that surrounds and loves us all.}

I want to save the world. I can't think of anything better to do with my time. No, really. An unconscious messiah complex? Probably, but I'm okay with that. So I've begun an exploration of the world's religious systems. To me it seems that nothing rips humanity apart like religion, so maybe that is also the way to bring us together.

Here is my thought for today:

'But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharoah and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"

And God said, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you..." '

I totally understand how Moses was feeling. Completely unequal to the task. I mean, he'd already run away from Egypt under a death threat and now some bush was telling him to go back and free thousands of people from slavery. That's pretty daunting. How could he possibly do it? What made him so special? What skills did he have?

And God said, "I will be with you." That is so cool. It didn't matter who Moses was or what skills he had, he only had to make himself available for God to work through him.

That's who I intend to be - someone who is available to Spirit. Open to whatever calling I am given; because there is nothing more important to do. The coolest part about this is that it sidesteps ego. I am not the one working the plan, I am acting as a channel for Spirit to do the work that needs to be done. This is not about personal aggrandizement, it works at a level much higher than that. That rocks.

More than that: it means that we ALL have the potential to work for Spirit. We ALL have that ability and responsibility. As a coach and a coachee it is the most important question to answer: How is Spirit calling me to change the world?

How is Spirit calling you?

{BTW, for the sticklers, I am using the new international version of the Bible.}

Exodus 3:11-12

I hate my Coach

For those of you who don't know (and why would you after all), I've been receiving coaching for the past year from a wonderful woman named Cynthia. We mutually decided that it would be best for me to switch coaches for the second year to move forward with publishing my book.

Cynthia recommended Niall. I've had two sessions with him in the last week and he has so severely irritated me that I just want to hunt him down and smack him. He's lucky he lives on the other side of the continent.

That means he is doing his job really well. Dang!

He is exactly the kind of coach that I deserve and I am finally getting a taste of my own painfully honest medicine. Now I know what my clients mean when they tell me that I almost made them cry, give up and never talk to me again.

That is how I feel right now.

Luckily, there is a little voice inside of me telling me to listen to him, to persevere and to trust that this is for my highest good.

That little voice is not my ego - it is my Highest Self. It is surely my ego that is telling me to give up and stay the same.

The ego hates growth, and it hates change. Not only are those big clues that the ego is running the show but it is also the ego that hates. Since 'I hate' my coach right now, I know that it is, in fact, my ego running scared.

Run little ego Run. Send me a postcard.